was excited to learn that the latest interiors essential, according to the Washington Post, is a "dirty zone". I'm ahead of the curve – I've already got a dirty zone by each main door (and also one directly outside the back door, where, rudely, a mystery animal has defecated). The fridge drawers are dirty zones thanks to the windfall apples I thought I would cook, but predictably left to liquefy. There's a dirty zone next to the washing machine and a mildewy one inside it. There's the festering compost bin I'm too chicken to tackle post-heatwave, plus the cupboard under the stairs, which we don't talk about. Good luck finding a clean zone, basically.

Does this make me kinda chic? Unfortunately not: the Post is actually preaching the benefits of confining the sordid ephemera of life to carefully delineated and hidden areas: storage benches, monogrammed totes or even a "mud room" (for coats, shoes, skis, lacrosse sticks and dog-washing sinks – I think posh Britons call it a boot room). A 2021 study in the Netherlands found that participants who did chores in chaotic environments had higher levels of the stress marker salivary alpha-amylase. I always wonder what's brewing in my mouth as I fall over piles of filthy shoes yet again while running to answer the door.

This dirty zone system sounds nice, but deeply, decadently unrealistic. A mud room, rather than various rooms containing some mud, surely isn't something most people have. If you do, apparently you'll also want a $115 (£85) petitgrain and neroli reed diffuser, to help mask the smell. One expert consulted by the Post suggested green as a mud room colour scheme, to coordinate harmoniously with your brown delivery boxes "if you're a heavy Amazon shopper", which has a real last-days-of-Rome ring to it.

If you don't have a muted green, neroli-scented mud room, don't despair – mud is good for you. A 2022 study in Finland found that exposure to muddy environments improved immune system regulation and decreased levels of harmful bacteria in the microbiomes of nursery-age children. My home may be one big, sprawling dirty zone, but I probably have an awe-inspiringly powerful immune system – and that's a real chic must-have.